Weird dreams....

Yeah, my head is really messed up...

My dreams have been so random and off the wall lately, I don't even know what the heck's going on in there.  Velociraptors and Obama both made an appearance, in the same dream.  And no, the raptors did not eat the President.

No, in fact, they weren't even dangerous... their weapon of choice was sticks.  Big huge man-eating dinosaurs who could in fact have eaten us, but they did not.  They tried to hit us with sticks, which we took away and then they left.

At least with the President, it was sort of in the right time zone, I mean, there was a lot of talk about the upcoming election. Even though for whatever reason, he, VP Biden, their wives, a few Secret Service Agents and I were in a warehouse.  But it was a very nicely decorated warehouse, all done up with banners for President Obama, his campaign slogans and all.

I don't remember all of the details, but this bit did stick out in my head when I woke up.  I walked up to the president, knowing that I am in the military and could get in trouble for what I was going to say.  I said to him "Mr President, I say this with the greatest possible respect..."  (and what's more, I actually meant it.)  "I can't even fully criticize you for it, because it seems it's something that a lot of politicians are guilty of.  But Mr. President, how exactly does spending so much of your money on campaign ads that do nothing but slam Mitt Romney convince America that you are right for the job?  I would love to see an ad that explains what your plans are to fix the economy, the country."

And he smiled, nodded, and said I had a very good point and that he would consider it.

Yeah, my head is just bouncing all over the place... I think it needs to stop.

People on I95 are crazy!!

I am convinced that I95 is the roadway where stupid people gather. And I think I will be staying off it for a while.

This week, I started driving to Fort Belvoir on my own. Up until this point, my mom was driving, or if I was driving, she was with me. But enough time has gone by, and I've been confident enough to do it on my own.

The first day, there was a really bad accident several miles ahead of me, and several miles before where I'd have gotten off. They had to close down two lanes, which meant there was one lane of traffic on the interstate. I got off, but of course, everyone and their brother was doing the same thing. I ended up being 40 minutes late for my neuro feedback appointment, but thankfully my therapist was understanding about it. He lives near the same area as I do, so he knows that I95 turns into a parking lot half the time.

Yesterday, the traffic wasn't bad, but I was half convinced that some people were just looking to cause an accident. Most people drive 10 miles over the speed limit, myself included, because driving the speed limit on that stretch of road will just get someone mowed over. But there's always a few nutcases who feel that 75mph simply won't do. I was driving in the left lane, and ahead of me in the middle lane were two cars. The guy in the back had a good distance with the car in front of him, a car length. Well, someone in the right lane decided that was the perfect length and squeezed in between so he could get to the left lane. There had to have been mere inches between the three cars at that point. And then another car was tailgating the car in front, once more by a few inches for half a mile. The guy could have easily changed lanes, but he wanted to ride the bumper instead.

Today, however, takes the prize, and the ironic thing is it happened when I was less than 5 miles from my exit. I was in the right lane, and coming up on another exit. An 18 wheeler was beside me on my left, and another car was taking the exit. Suddenly, he starts drifting over into my lane. I panicked. I honked my horn, slammed on my breaks, my arms locked up and I started swerving. Thankfully I managed to stay in my own lane and the guy quickly got back into his own lane, and to his (extremely marginal) credit, he was waving his hand in an apologetic gesture.

 Amazingly, after all that, I'm still confident. But after the past three days I've had, I think I'll take my confidence to Route 1 instead.

Stair Tumbles and Doggie Scares

I really need to try and remember to do this a bit more often... stuff happens, and I keep thinking "Ooh, I'll write a blog entry about that!"  And I never get around to it.  And it's not that I keep doing other things and never come here, because I do.  There have been times where I started a blog entry, and then didn't finish because I got distracted by something or other.  But this time I am going to finish it.

So my mom headed out to Hawaii for a couple of weeks to see friends, and to also see my cousin graduate college.  So it was just me, my Belgian Malinois Nevada, and her two German Shepherds, Bo and Tina.  Nevada and Bo don't get along, so if they're not in separate rooms, they gotta be muzzled, otherwise there are growls and jaws snapping.  Obviously we can't have that.  Usually we keep them separated, but when it was just me, it was a bit of a challenge when it came to feeding time and letting the dogs out in the yard to do their business.  But I managed.

Saturday rolled around, and I was coming down the stairs in a pair of heeled boots.  The heel caught the edge of one of the steps as I was about halfway down and I fell again.  Thankfully this time, it was carpeted stairs, and most of the impact was my back, though I won't lie, it did take me about a minute to be able to get to my feet.  But I wasn't feeling dizzy, and I didn't have a headache (though my back really hurt for a few days) so I take this as a good sign.  I'll have to remember to tell my doctor about it when I see him tomorrow, though.

On Monday, I woke up to bring Nevada and Tina downstairs so they could go outside and have breakfast.  I got downstairs to Tina's kennel, and saw that she had an accident.  "Well," I thought, "That's gonna be fun to clean up."  I let her outside to the back yard, Nevada too, and I got all their dishes ready.  All the dogs are usually very happy when it's meal time.  Nevada's happy dance rivals that of Snoopy.  Tina's a bit older, so she doesn't dance, but there's usually a skip to her step.  That day, there wasn't, and she poked her nose at her food, which she normally inhales, and instead drained the water dish.  That wasn't very surprising to me, as I kinda figured she'd be dehydrated.  After I filled up her water again, I took Nevada upstairs and put him back in his house, then went to let Bo out.  Bo also had an accident, and due to the color of the bed he lays on in his crate, I didn't realize it until I let him out, and there were dirty paw prints leading through my mom's room all the way downstairs.  This was shaping up the be quite the morning for me.

Tina had once more drained her water dish, and Bo was also skipping his breakfast and wanting to drink water.  It seemed odd to me, but when Tina proceeded to throw up all the water she just drank (right on the carpet, yet another sudden cleaning task on my to-do list) I put her and Bo outside so that I could at least get the worst of the mess cleaned up.  I looked outside, and Bo was eating a lot of grass, which said to me he was probably on the verge of throwing up himself.  I called the vet's office and asked for an appointment so that I could bring them in.  They said they could see me at 3:00 in the afternoon, and at the time, it was 11:00.  I finished cleaning up the messes in the kennels and the tracks Bo made, and put the two of them in my car and drove to the vet.

One of the things that was a result of my fall back in September is my sense of smell is very weak.  Now I know what you're thinking when you read that sentence.  "She's talking about her mom's dogs being sick, and suddenly she's going on about her nose?"  Well, first of all, part of the name of the blog is 'random stuff'. But I actually have a point to make here.  My sense of smell is very weak, and therefore it wasn't until I reached the vet's office and opened the door to let Bo out that I realized he had had yet another accident.  To anyone else, the smell probably would have made them gag.  But there was nothing I could do about it at that point, so I took Bo in and showed him to the vet.  She couldn't find anything wrong with him, and when I mentioned my mom was out of town, she thought it could have just been stress, as Bo is not used to not having his mommy around.  She held onto Bo for me as I went back to the car to bring Tina in, and my red flag was soaring higher as I watched the way she walked.  The vet noticed it right away too, and when she looked at Tina's gums, they were white, which meant there was blood loss. She brought the ultrasound over and saw that there was blood in Tina's abdomen.

She took her back to do an x-ray so they could get a proper look.  It turned out that she had a tumor on her spleen that had ruptured, likely due to her throwing up.  It bleed into her abdomen, and she needed surgery.  There was also concern that she had tumors growing on her liver as well. I got a hold of my mom and had the vet explain things to her, and of course my mom's answer was the same as mine, get her into surgery right away.  It didn't matter that nothing could be done about her liver, and that she'd only have a few months left, what mattered was Mom being able to say goodbye to Tina.  I rode home with Bo, trying to focus on the drive rather than just Tina, though that was difficult.  As a handler, Tina was actually once my partner.  When she retired, my mom adopted her, so we'd both made a lot of memories with that dog.

However, this does end happily!  Tina's surgery went very well, though our vet had to remove what she believed to be the remains of a belt.  No belts are missing, so what exactly Tina had eaten remains a mystery.  I got to take her home just two days after her surgery, and we also have high hopes that the spots on her liver are actually benign.  Looks like we got Tina for a few more years!

This "scaring the heck out of us" thing is actually a habit of Tina's.  She's done it before, and I really hope she doesn't decide to do it again.  It's just not funny anymore, Mama T.

Random events of past week

I really, really dislike that monkey... my monkey only got 2 coconuts... I'd rather not say how many the computer's monkey got... almost 30....

Aside from that, the week was pretty good.  Although, there was Friday evening....

My mom, her friend and I all went out to this Italian restaurant to see some friends of theirs play music.  We arrive, and they're getting all set up, and we tell the greeter that we'd like to be seated in the corner that they would be playing in.  Her first question was "Are you going to eat?"

................

No.  No, we're not going to eat.  We regularly come to restaurants at dinner time just to sit and chat.

And my mood went down hill from there.  I was trying so hard not to be bitchy, and be friendly to people, smile as my mom introduced me to her friends, some of whom I'd met before.  But apparently that wasn't going so hot, and I did get snippy.  I'm going to have to apologize to some people... I may be good at being a bitch, but that doesn't mean I enjoy doing it to people who don't really deserve to be on the receiving end.

It took us a half hour to get to a table, and then another fifteen minutes to even get our menus.  I was sitting there thinking "It's taking us this long to get a freakin' menu, how long is the food going to take?!"  I was trying to focus on other things, like listening to her friends sing, and I was actually enjoying them.  I even sang along with a few songs I knew.  The problem was I was very hungry to begin with, and we'd been sitting around for nearly an hour and hadn't even gotten the complimentary breadsticks at that point.  My mom could obviously tell I was in a sour mood,  and asked me if I needed to go.  I think she was also kinda hinting at my leaving was a good idea.  I did, and I went and got some food, and after I had food in me, my mood was just fine.  I think from now on what I gotta do is have a little something in my purse in case events like that ever happen again.

Sunday, I took my dog Nevada to his testing for his Canine Good Citizen certificate.  Reason being  is I would love for him to be a therapy dog, and be able to take him to hospitals and nursing homes so that he can put a smile on people's faces.  He's a very loving dog, and so I know it's something he'd be good at.  And he passed the test!  So now I think what I'll do is get into the volunteer program with the Red Cross, who has a Therapy dog program.  Hopefully it'll be soon that we can start doing this.

Throughout the week, I had several more neuro feedback sessions (as mentioned, via the monkey) as well as a few others with the various doctors I see.  I mentioned sleep issues to one of my doctors, and he said the biggest thing was to try and limit my computer time, especially around bed time.  I'm trying it out, hopefully I can stick to it.

Tomorrow, I am going to see The Avengers!  I am very very excited for this movie, I've actually been looking forward to it for a while.  Is it wrong that I am kinda rooting for Loki?  I know he's the villain, but I just loved what Tom Hiddleston did with the character.  And Tom Hiddleston is also very very handsome... and his voice...

I'll be sure to post another blog with a review of the movie when I'm done seeing it.  There will (obviously) be spoilers, so don't read if you haven't seen it by the time I post it!  Don't worry, I'm not going to the Midnight showing.  I won't lie, I was tempted, but seeing as how I'm trying to put myself on a better sleep schedule, it just wouldn't have been a good idea.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll be feeling more up to it when Thor 2 comes out!

Relaxing is really really hard!

And no, that's not a "Oh, poor me, my life is so hard, I haven't had to work in months, whatever shall I do" line.

I mean it, relaxing, as in "I am completely relaxed, I have no worries whatsoever, my mind is clear, I am in my zen mode" is hard.

Part of the therapy I'm doing is basically neuro feedback.  I come in, and my therapist puts this sticky goopy stuff on my forehead and behind my ears so he can attach the brain sensors.  I then see my brain waves on the computer, and it. Knows. Everything. It reacts when I'm talking, if I swallow, it even knows when I blink.  It reacts differently based on my facial expressions, my mood, what I'm thinking, everything.

Part of what I had to do was go through a list of tones, one that I liked and found relaxing, and another that annoys the living crap out of me.  I hear the annoying tone far more often, because my brain is having a tough time being where it's supposed to be.

There are a lot of different tests so far, and I know there's no way I've even seen them all yet.  One that, according to my therapist, I will see a lot, is a game that involves a monkey.  The object of the game is to have my monkey climb the coconut tree and get the coconut before the computer's monkey does.  If I am relaxed, my monkey will zoom up that tree and have his coconut.  But if I am not relaxed, the computer's monkey gets it first, and of course he holds the coconut high in the air in his triumph.  Stupid monkey...  I managed to beat it today, but that just means my therapist is gonna make it tougher next time.

And after I spend an hour trying to get my brain to relax, I leave the session utterly exhausted.  Today was only my second day doing it, and I'll be going three times a week, and I'm not sure how long I will be going.  But I do know this is important, cause after busting my brain, I've gotta get it all spun up again and train it.  It's gonna be a long road for this too, but I know I can do it.  I will beat that monkey again.

Important Back Story

I'm 27 years old, and enlisted in the Air Force for a little over 8 years now, and was a MWD (Military Working Dog) Handler for almost four of those years.  Although currently, I'm facing a MEB (Medical Evaluation Board) due to a fall I took down some concrete stairs back in September.  Gene Kelly made dancing on the stairs look so easy...

Actually, I have no memory of the fall, I don't even remember leaving my room, much less going down the stairs.  I was stationed in Turkey at the time, and it was early Sunday morning (around 2 am) when I was found unconscious at the bottom of the stairs by one of my fellow handlers.  I wasn't bleeding or showing any signs of injury, and when he shook me to wake me up, I apparently started cursing at him and told him to leave me alone.  He took this to mean as I'd just had a bit too much to drink at the club, (although I'd only had 2 or 3 beers) and got me back to my room.  The next memory I have is on Monday, and it is very, very sketchy.  When I didn't show up for work, my supervisor came looking for me.  He found me lying in bed, and I was difficult for him to wake up, and when I did, I was incoherent.  I remember seeing him, and then I remember being carried downstairs into an ambulance.

It turned out that I had a skull fracture, my brain was swelling, and I had internal bleeding, so I was taken into surgery.  Come to think of it, today's actually 7 months since the surgery.  Anyway, the doctor did what he had to do and saved my life.  I'm also very grateful to my supervisor, because the doctor said had he not come when he did, another hour and I'd have been gone.

Fast forward to today.  I'm back in Virginia living with my mom as I recover.  I'm seeing plenty of doctors and therapists at a TBI (Tramatic Brain Injury) clinic, and the MEB board has finally started.  Granted, it's gonna be very long before the decision is made, so I'll probably remain in the Air Force (under extremely limited duties) for another year or so.  Is it the way I wanted to go?  No, but again, I'm lucky to be alive, so I can't complain too much.

I'm thinking that I oughta carry a football helmet with me, just in case I come across some concrete stairs again.....

What to expect...

I've wanted to start one of these blogs for a while, and now, thanks to a nudge from my therapist, I'm finally getting around to it.  This blog will consist of the random stuff that pops in my head that could be related to pretty much anything.  For instance, how many Buffy/Angel actors also appeared in the tv series Supernatural?  I've seen like, five of them. 

There will also be some rants, because sometimes there are things that just get on my nerves.  I personally think it should be legal to carry a gun in your car just so you can shoot out the tires of some idiot who's texting on their phone while driving down I95.  (My therapist does not think this is a good idea.)

You're welcome to read this, and I will welcome any different opinions, as long as they are respectful.  This is mainly a therapy thing for me, so that I have a way to vent out my frustrations.  But don't worry, this blog won't be all negative, there'll be some funny stuff that will find it's way here as well, like my 70lbs dog who cowers during thunderstorms.  Again, comments are welcome, but please be respectful when doing so.  This is something my therapist suggested, and I'd really rather not deal with rude people here.

Thanks, and talk to y'all soon!